Recover

Men Who Are Abused By Women

Abuse of men by women happens far more than one might expect and unfortunately, with ever increasing frequency. In fact, one-third of all domestic abuse is now committed by women.  While the signs and scars of physical abuse are pretty obvious to see, the signs and wounds that come from emotional abuse can be equally damaging and with longer lasting effect.

If you’re a man in an emotionally abusive relationship, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. However, men are often reluctant to report abuse because they’re not sure they recognize it correctly, they feel embarrassed, fear they won’t be believed, or are scared that their partner will take revenge if they report it or respond to it. As a male, your spouse or partner may engage in:

·       Verbal abuse. They belittle, insult or humiliate you in front of friends, family and colleagues.

·       Jealous behavior. They act possessive, jealous, or harass you with accusations of being unfaithful or having a wandering eye.

·       False allegations. They tell false stories about you to your friends, employer, doctor, or the police, or find other ways to manipulate

and isolate you.

·       Social Media. They vent and post all sorts of stories and comments on their social media accounts to make you look bad, punish

you and exact revenge.

·       Gaslighting. They can remove, steal or hide personal items such as clothing, car keys, medications, eye glasses etc. to make you think

you are going crazy.

·       Monitoring. They want to know where you are going, who you are seeing, and who you are talking to. They will track your phone and

install security cameras to watch you.

·       Financial Abuse. They can try to control how you spend money, deliberately default on joint financial obligations, withdraw cash with

you knowing or spend tons of money.

·       Threats. They threaten to leave you, file for divorce, take your home, and other things and prevent you from gaining custody or seeing

your kids if you report the abuse.

Men often don’t leave emotionally abusive relationships because of religious beliefs, they feel foolish or ashamed that they failed to stand up for themselves, or worse, their self-esteem and self-worth is so low, that they convince themselves that being in an abusive relationship is all they deserve. Leaving also becomes harder when you have become isolated from friends and family, and you have been beaten down emotionally to the point where you just don’t have the energy to leave.

Many men are often in a state of denial either due to pride or just the deep-founded belief that over time things will get better. You may still love your partner when they’re not being abusive and believe they will change or that you can help them. But change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for their behavior and seeks professional treatment. The other sad thing about denying that there is a problem in your relationship is that it will only prolong the abuse, even allowing it to escalate further.

Emotional abuse can have a serious physical and psychological impact on all victims. The first step to protecting yourself and stopping the abuse is to reach out to a counselor, trusted friend or family member. Sharing details of your abuse can offer a great sense of relief and provide much-needed support. Admitting the problem and seeking help doesn’t mean you have failed as a man or as a husband. It doesn’t mean you are to blame, and you certainly are not weak.

The second step to protecting yourself is to make the decision, however painful, to leave your abuser. You may face financial hurdles, lose things that are dear to you, and encounter legal obstacles. But whatever your circumstances, you can overcome these challenges, escape the violence and abuse, and regain your dignity.

There most likely will be times when you struggle dealing with upsetting and painful emotions, feel numb and disconnected, lonely, and unable to trust other people. After the trauma of an emotionally abusive relationship, it can take a while to get over the pain and bad memories. But you can heal and eventually move on to find happiness again.