Recognize

Understanding “Splitting” Behavior

The world of a Cluster B emotional abuser (especially a borderline) is very much like a child that mentally and emotionally doesn’t grow up. It’s a world that is split into heroes and villains for them. They have no understanding or tolerance for human inconsistencies or ambiguous behavior because they cannot reconcile a person’s good and bad behavior into a complete and constant understanding of that person. This behavior is called splitting or “black and white” behavior.

There can be no grey areas for them, no nuances or shadings of other people’s personalities or behaviors. You can be their hero and be idealized by them one day, and be totally hated and devalued by them on another. When you, the idealized person, disappoints them (which everyone does at some point) they have no ability to cope with what they perceive in their mind as a complete change in your behavior.

Heightened sensitivity to rejection (known as abandonment sensitivity) may also trigger their devaluing reaction. This sensitivity causes them to overreact to real or perceived rejections. The feeling of rejection is overpowering and consuming and can feel very real, regardless of whether it was truly meant or not. Due to dichotomous thinking, people with Cluster B disorders tend to see only extremes, like “all good” or “completely bad.”

The initial idealization they have for you can quickly and unpredictably change to immediate and intense anger, triggering the devaluation process. Very often this follow-up “feeling” or “opinion” of someone is influenced more by experiences from earlier periods in their lives, than the current relationship they’re in or the actual behavior of the people they are involved with.

Now for an individual who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), these mood swings aren’t uncontrollable in their behavior. They are engaged and utilized specifically for the purpose of control and manipulation. It is something they plan and carry out with incredible precision; it doesn’t just happen to them. The problem you can sometimes have is that you might be dealing with someone who suffers from both disorders, and the difference of their type of mood swings will be both noticeable and chillingly evil when the narcissistic side of them comes out. Needless to say, it will wreak havoc on your emotions, and the memories may play over in your mind for years after.