Recover

Where Is god during Abuse?

When we are hurting or grieving a significant loss, it is completely human to wonder if God is watching or listening. We may want to clench our fists and scream in agony, “Lord, do you hear my cries?” There are times when you may feel that no one including God will understand, let alone have sympathy for what you are going through. I fully can relate to someone who has cried themselves to sleep at night. That’s what abuse of any kind can do to you. And the nights seem endless. You pray for the ability to fall asleep so you can temporarily forget what your abuser has done to you that day and how much they’ve hurt you. The hopelessness you continually feel can be excruciating.

No matter what weapons an abuser uses, they attack the image of God (you) and they war against Him. Because an abuser is separated from God by their actions, they cannot see what God sees in us. When your abuser wages war on you, they are waging war against God. They are ignoring the fact that we are deeply loved by God and that we have been redeemed by Him at a great cost to Him. Every time an emotional abuser attacks, insults, controls, manipulates and hurts us, God sees and knows that they are stealing the liberty and peace He provides for us. They are coming against and violating God’s sacred commitment to love, honor and protect us.

And make no mistake, God sees every underhanded moment of abuse, every theft of property, every manipulation, every insult, each instant of gaslighting and every lie in every place and every time they occur. What you feel, He feels, and when your abuser comes against you, they come against Him. Whether we (or your abuser) realize it or not, God is standing next to us, watching as each unpleasant and painful event is unfolding. He sees the heart of evil that is inside of each abuser and he feels the struggle and brokenness of every victim. He sees your broken heart, your disbelief and your constant hope that what you are experiencing won’t continue.

And whether you think so or not, it was actually God’s voice whispering in your ear which made you aware that you were being abused. It was God who taught you to identify the abusive behaviors for what they were and realize they weren’t fair, right or deserved. It was God who helped you to see and understand the deceitfulness, control and manipulation behind every accusation, insult, lie, gaslighting, shunning, and silent treatment committed against you. It was God who opened your eyes and convinced you it was time to flee your abuser. It was God who helped you to see the truth and gave you the courage to leave your abuser and that awful situation.

God saw that even when you were being abused, you still had empathy for your abuser and tried to save your relationship. He saw the strength you had as you tolerated the abuse, hoping to make things better. He watched as you hopelessly tried to love and help your abuser all while trying to find answers and solutions to their toxic dysfunction, despite their constant abuse and quest to control and manipulate you.

But biblical love does not help an abuser or try to keep them comfortable while they are trying to harm us and tear us apart at the seams. Biblical love actually requires accountability and justice, whether we ever set foot in a court of law or simply flee the abusive relationship and distance ourselves from our abuser. But one thing is for sure. God hates abuse. (Proverbs 6:16-19, Malachi 2:16) God will deal with your abuser according to the crimes they have committed against you. Of that you can be certain. This is why we can forgive our abuser without surrendering justice. (Nahum 1:2-3)

Jesus can relate to you because he has felt what you have felt and are feeling. I truly believe he was there with me during my time of pain and grief because His Word tells me so. Psalm 34:17-18 says:

“The righteous call to the Lord, and he listens; he rescues them from all their troubles.

The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope.”

And God did, and I’m alive today because He gave me hope, a vision for my future without my abuser, and the strength to leave my abuser. Jesus is in the business of helping us pick up the pieces, get healed, and get on with our lives. Psalm 40:1-2 says:

“I waited patiently for the Lord’s help; then he listened to me and heard my cry. He set me safely on a rock and made me secure.”

At the heart of all the amazing things that God is, He’s a rescuer. He knows what we are feeling and He doesn’t want us to continue being filled with sadness and grief because we cannot save our relationship and bear another day of pain and abuse. God’s heart is always for us, whenever we are being harmed, and no matter what type of abuse we are experiencing. He sees that our souls are aching from pain and he sees the damage that the emotional abuse is having on our minds and bodies. He knows that the anxiety, depression and PTSD we are experiencing is as painful and harder to treat than many physical injuries. God sees our suffering for what it is and he sees it with love and compassion for us. He doesn’t want us to suffer. God promises to love us, to be with us, to assist us in our efforts to overcome the effects of the abuse we have encountered and endured. He did it for me and He will do it for you.